um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they need to just BURY HIM!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
