the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
