I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
