I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
