my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize