So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
