I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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