he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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