porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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