I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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