pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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