You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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