so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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