Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
