I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
