oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
