I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
