So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
