So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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