they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
