just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
