I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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