now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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