the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
