we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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