I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
