I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
