He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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