Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize