Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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