I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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