4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Randomize
