Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
