If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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