Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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