is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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