remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
