I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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