her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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