Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
