I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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