A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
