I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
