I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
