Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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