I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
