I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
