he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
