I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
