What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
