You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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