Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
