that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize