dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Four minutes until I can fart!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize