someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
