my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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