Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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