My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
