So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
