I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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