I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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