Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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