Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I had to cum in my sink.
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