We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
