hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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