Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
