I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
