remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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