just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
