My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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